This paper revisits politeness research influenced by Brown and Levinson's (1987) politeness theory, arguing that this theory does not adequately address politeness but rather focuses on mitigating face-threatening acts (FTAs). The authors propose that politeness is a discursive concept, meaning that what is considered polite or impolite should not be predicted by analysts but rather should be analyzed as part of the discursive struggle in which interactants engage. They introduce the concept of "relational work," which encompasses the "work" individuals invest in negotiating relationships with others, including impolite, polite, and appropriate behavior. The paper demonstrates this through close readings of five examples from natural interactions, showing that much of what is commonly thought of as "politeness" may be perceived as appropriate or politic behavior rather than politeness. The authors conclude that the study of politeness should focus on the discursive struggle over what constitutes appropriate behavior, rather than assuming a universally valid concept of politeness.This paper revisits politeness research influenced by Brown and Levinson's (1987) politeness theory, arguing that this theory does not adequately address politeness but rather focuses on mitigating face-threatening acts (FTAs). The authors propose that politeness is a discursive concept, meaning that what is considered polite or impolite should not be predicted by analysts but rather should be analyzed as part of the discursive struggle in which interactants engage. They introduce the concept of "relational work," which encompasses the "work" individuals invest in negotiating relationships with others, including impolite, polite, and appropriate behavior. The paper demonstrates this through close readings of five examples from natural interactions, showing that much of what is commonly thought of as "politeness" may be perceived as appropriate or politic behavior rather than politeness. The authors conclude that the study of politeness should focus on the discursive struggle over what constitutes appropriate behavior, rather than assuming a universally valid concept of politeness.